Rude
by Marie Goos
Summary: Not all first kisses actually happen. Some are avoided at all costs. Because some are very rude. Part of the SSS universe.


Alright. Before you say a single word- If any of you have read the Seduction of Severus Snape, and you recognize Nathanyel's name... Then, yes. He is, in fact, Nadia's father. Major spoiler here, but I really don't care. I was in the mood for a little something like this. Nathanyel's first year, Sev's second.  
  
If you haven't read the Seduction of Severus Snape, it doesn't matter. Nathanyel is just some Slytherin student. There were a lot of them, way back when.  
  
~  
  
Nathanyel bit his lip. "What do you think?" Severus frowned and wrinkled his nose.  
  
"Why do you always ask that?" Nathanyel blinked, unsure of what he meant.  
  
"Ask what?"  
  
"Ask what I think!"  
  
"Oh. Because I'm curious. I just want to know, that's all."  
  
"It's rude to do that, certain times." Nathanyel blinked again.  
  
"But if something's rude, then it's rude all the time." Severus shook his head frantically.  
  
"Not so, not so!" he said in that plaintive little voice of his. It reminded Nathanyel of when they played gobstones and he caught Severus cheating. Nathanyel decided to remind him of it. Just to stop him nagging.  
  
"Like cheating at gobstones," he pointed out. "That's rude all the time."  
  
"But sometimes there are things you say and do that are rude, but not all the time. Like... Like if you kiss a girl, but she doesn't want to be kissed, it's rude. If she does, though, then it's okay." Nathanyel furrowed his brow, trying to make sense of this new information. Lucius certainly never talked about kissing girls. In fact, no one seemed to talk about kissing girls as much as Severus did.  
  
"But why would I want to do that?"  
  
"Do what?"  
  
"Kiss a girl!" Severus frowned and did that growl of his that sounded more like a sick puppy, because his voice hadn't changed yet.  
  
"Because that's what boys do," he informed Nathanyel imperiously. "They kiss girls." Nathanyel let one eyebrow drift up his forehead.  
  
"That's not true," he argued. He liked arguing with Severus, because Severus always got angry and stormed off, which meant that he won. Even though Severus always said otherwise.  
  
"Oh yeah? How do you know?" Nathanyel thought it awfully unwise to pull his trump card so early, but it was the only ammunition he had.  
  
"Lucius says so." He crossed his arms, waiting for Severus to try and dispute the great Lucius Malfoy.  
  
"Because Lucius says so? What does he say, then?"  
  
"Boys can kiss other boys, too." Severus fell silent, glaring at him. After a bit, he spoke again, but in a hiss that actually sounded menacing because his voice hadn't changed yet.  
  
"Listen here. Regular boys don't do that, and they certainly don't talk about it. You want to be called a poof? No? Then shut up about what Lucius says, alright?"  
  
Nathanyel frowned. He didn't see why he should listen to Severus over Lucius. After all, Severus seemed to complain an awful lot, and Lucius never did that unless it was important things. Severus just kept on going and going until he couldn't stand it anymore and had to find something else to occupy his time. And everyone always said that the one thing a Page couldn't stand was complaining. But then, his mother had once told him that what a Snape does best is complain. That and scowl. But Nathanyel didn't mind scowling all that much, because everyone he was around all the time seemed to do it a lot.  
  
And Severus was complaining again. Something about poofs. He didn't really care, but he thought that since they weren't supposed to talk about poofs he should stop Severus from complaining. Plus, it was getting on his nerves. Not that anyone else knew that he even had any, which was the way he liked it.  
  
"Severus." It was always difficult to stop the complaining. "Severus!" He tried slapping Severus, and it seemed to work fairly well except that Severus slapped him back.  
  
"What now?" That was an interesting question. He'd have to find a way to answer it.  
  
"What do you think it's like to kiss another boy?" Severus blinked.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Do you think it's much different from kissing a girl?" Severus scowled. Nathanyel actually liked it, that scowl. It was nice to look at. Comforting, was the word.  
  
"How should I know? I've never... Well, you know. The girls, they just haven't warmed up to me, is all." Severus tried to flash a debonair smirk, like the ones Lucius gave, but his just looked kind of like a plucked chicken. Or maybe a plush toy. "Trust me, once I get a few more inches, they'll be all over me."  
  
Nathanyel doubted that. Mother told him that it was difficult for Snapes to find wives, because for some reason women don't seem to like large noses. Except she said it in a much nastier way, and Nathanyel would never repeat it to Severus, ever. Besides, if the girls didn't like Severus now, he doubted that they ever would. It was probably the same for him, but he didn't mind. Girls didn't really interest him. Boys didn't, either, but he wasn't even sure whether or not they should, so he just left that subject alone.  
  
"Hey, what's wrong with you?" Nathanyel hoped that wasn't the start of another rant.  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"You were just... Quiet." Severus looked uncomfortable. He shifted. "You were staring at me." Nathanyel blinked.  
  
"I was thinking." Severus gave him that weird look that he got when Lucius talked about his boyfriend.  
  
"You were looking at me. You don't... You don't want to kiss me, do you?" How the conversation had gone from gobstones to kissing was beyond Nathanyel, but if Severus wanted to kiss then who was he to refuse? That was the sort of thing friends did together, he reckoned, since he'd never had a friend and that's what Lucius always did with his friends. Having a friend, in fact, was rather complicated, but he didn't have the time to ponder it at the moment.  
  
"Okay, let's do it." Severus looked confused for a moment, but Nathanyel didn't much mind. He just leaned over so they could kiss and get it over with, and get back to whatever it was they had been talking about before.  
  
Severus let out a strangled yelp and fell backwards, and then the sleeve of his robe got in the fireplace and went up in green flames. Nathanyel watched as he beat it on the floor, yelling out things that would probably get him in detention if a teacher heard. He knew Severus could handle the situation, so he just waited for it to end, so they could kiss like Severus wanted to. Eventually, the flames were gone, and the sleeve was smoking, but Severus was alright. "What the hell is wrong with you?" Severus hissed angrily as he rubbed his arm.  
  
"You wanted to kiss, didn't you?" Nathanyel leaned forward so it was easier for him to reach. "Let's get it over with, then." Severus pushed him away.  
  
"No!" Nathanyel blinked, confused. First he wanted to kiss, and then he wanted to set himself on fire, and now he didn't want to kiss at all. Friends were rather confusing people. He thought that associates, like the ones Lucius had, would be much less trouble. And they did whatever you wanted them to. But that would mean no arguments, and Nathanyel was quite fond of those.  
  
"Why not? You just said you wanted to kiss."  
  
"No I didn't!" Severus always did things like that. Said things and then said he didn't say them. It puzzled Nathanyel, but he tried to put up with it because if he didn't have a friend then he wouldn't have anyone to talk to or sit with at meals, and that seemed like a bad thing to him.  
  
"Oh. I suppose. But if you just wanted to, then why did you change your mind?" Severus looked angry, which really wasn't much different from the norm, except he also looked frustrated.  
  
"Because, it would be... Rude." Oh, so it was back to rudeness. Severus seemed to worry about being rude an awful lot. As a matter of fact, a lot of people did. Nathanyel didn't see what being rude had to do with anything, as long as you got done what you needed to. So he supposed that people didn't really need to get a lot of things done. He'd been thinking lately that he'd find a way to fix that.  
  
"Rude." But he didn't want to get off-topic.  
  
"Yes, rude! Like- like-"  
  
"Cheating at gobstones," Nathanyel provided.  
  
"I don't cheat at gobstones!" Nathanyel blinked again.  
  
"Well, you do, but I never said that." Honestly, Severus could be so thick, sometimes.  
  
"Just- never mind, okay? And don't try to- you know-" he lowered his voice to a whisper- "kiss me again." Nathanyel blinked. He'd never wanted to, in the first place. It was all Severus' idea. But then, Severus could be like that.  
  
"Oh. Well. Alright then." Nathanyel supposed he should let Severus have his way, just this once. After all, that's what friends did.  
  
Besides, he supposed, it would be rude not to; he knew that Severus got angry when he was rude. And that wouldn't do at all.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Yeah, it does get off track a lot. But that's just the way some people think. Penguins. And no, Nathanyel isn't stupid, just a little... Well, insane. Like kill-your-mother-rape-your-cat insane. But we won't get into that right now.  
  
Anyway, this was a one-shot, but I'm thinking of maybe writing something else along this timeline. In the meantime, you can review and tell me how much this made you want to cry and fart on my face because you hated it more than anything else in the world. Or do the same because you liked it. Whichever is fine. 


End file.
